Here I am again after not posting anything for a few months. I don't really know what to say...as expected I didn't finish my thesis. I don't want to blame it on my job but after Walker got here it wasn't easy at all. I tried, I spent nights writing it and I wrote one chapter but it's just wasn't good, so I gave up. I will finish it during the summer, I will have time anyways because my last working day was this Tuesday. It's kinda weird not going to work but still waking up early simply out of habit, but I kinda like it as I don't feel like just wasting my time and this way I can talk to Walker before he goes to bed.
The other thing is that I'm visiting him soon, it's so soon only 15 days left. I can't wait for it. I made this relationship a little bit too fucked up so I will have 85 days to convince him that I'm not such a bad person and worth fighting for. I'm in constant fear. I'm afraid of losing him because of my own stupidity. I love him way too much and I think losing him would be something that would break me for life. I just can't imagine living in a world without him. It would broke my heart into tiny million pieces that would be impossible to fix.

I made him into thinking that he is not good at relationships and it just makes me feel miserable. I just made him so unsure about our relationship it hurts. He said he is not even sure if he wanted this relationship. You can imagine how I feel 15 days before my departure. But I made a promise to myself. I was kinda giving up on us because of this, but NO, I won't. I promised  myself I will fight for him and show him, I can be a better person.

He says he stresses me out a lot. Well, that's for sure, but it's rather the uncertainty about us. Like how should I plan my life and stuff. I took it too seriously. Now I slowed down a little bit and I feel much better. There is a job waiting for me when I get back and time will tell anyways how our relationship ends up.