Azt hiszem ismét elkezdek blogolni, mert inkább itt írom ki magamból a sok szart minthogy másokat fárasszak vele. Már szarul érzem magam mert mindig betalálok valakit és whiningolok. Mikor rendesen írtam a blogot és tényleg mindent kiírtam magamból akkor sokkal kevesebb szar zúdítottam másokra, sokkal kevésbe szenvedtem nyilvánosan. A kapcsolatom is haldokló félben van és főleg ez ad okot a hisztizésre. Szerintem elég sokszor fogok róla írni. Jó lesz ez terápiának, érzem én meg tudom is. Érzem hogy folyamatosan morzsolódnak le az emberek, kevesebbel van kontaktom, kevesebb emberrel érdekel hogy mi van, persze néha vannak olyan pillanatok mikor eszembe jut egy-egy ember a múltamból és meglesem őket Facebookon, de nem kell félni, nem vagyok stalker.

Main topic for today:

My relationship is dying, I feel that it's one-sided and it's only me who tries to do something to make it better and more bearable. My boyfriend has no experience and not just in LDR but in normal relationship too. So it makes everything 2x as hard as it should be. I have expectations and he doesn't. I'm always looking at scholarships and other opportunities to have the chance to move closer to him and sometimes I have the feeling that it's just a waste of time and he doesn't really care. He never understands what I am talking about and it makes me very angry..(Actually he is from Russia, he was adopted when he was 7.) He is always reacting to useless things..Last night we were talking and I told him I hope I can celebrate Halloween next year (we don't really have it in Hungary) and that I want to move to the US in late October (2015) maybe early November (I will start taking driving lessons this November so hopefully I will have my driving licence around March and I'm planning to apply for an au-pair program in the USA but participants need driving licence..) and he asked me if I want to go there because of Halloween..I was like.."Are you f.cking kiddin' me?" I told him I just want to be closer to him but I don't think he got it...All these tiny things just makes me incredibly angry and frustrated. I also told him it's great that we can spend the summer together at camp but it's not enough for me...It's not easy and I really don't know what should I do. I'm almost 24 and I want serious things in my life. Actually I was considering not going back to camp..( I just left too many stuff there otherwise my baggage would have been overweight) So yeah..that's how things are going on right now...and my birthday is coming (6th Nov) and he told me he would give me my present at camp :'DD fuck logic. He knows my address why doesn't he send it to me? Actually I don't care if I get anything or not...it's not important I was just wondering and yeah, maybe  Eric was right and he acts like this because he thinks everything is set for him..but no, not really ;-) Sometimes I really want to hate him but I can't and I feel like Sally in When Harry met Sally...:-)