The fact that I can't handle my feelings and emotions scares me. My life is kinda fucked up and just because of me. Because of  the way I am. I can feel that everything  is falling apart in my life and I can't do anything against it. All I want is to be normal, to have a happy and peaceful life, to love and be loved.  That’s all I ask for.  Apparently that’s just too much. Okay, I have a  loving (or at least he was loving before) boyfriend but I made him sad and disappointed several times before, he can hardly trust me. It's my fault. But today he lied to me. I know something I shouldn't know and I just found it out today. I don't have the slightest idea what to do and the feeling of this is eating me up inside. The other topic is university. Probably I will finish it in January. And just because. I wouldn't like to talk about it. I know we all go through rough patches. I'm  young and I  have a whole life ahead of me.  People or situations may not be perfect but I must make the best of it. Just not now. University, my weight, my relationship...family issues..My weight is the biggest problem. I'm eating all the time as when I eat, I feel happy. Nothing is important then. After I eat a lot I feel guilty. I wish I was strong enough not to eat at all, just like I did a few years ago. I didn't really eat for weeks. Jeeez. I wish I had anorexia. Or at least I would be skinny by nature.
.I can feel that emotionally I'm not stable enough for these situations. We will see what happens next. I hope it won't be too late.