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posted : 2012. febr. 21.
title : I hate myself and other stuff.
Azt hiszem kezdek magamba zuhanni (ilyet mondunk?)..már tényleg úgy vagyok, hogy nincs semmihez kedvem, aludnék legszívesebben egész nap és egyáltalán nem hat meg, hogy jön a tavasz. Yesterday I watched Hachiko: A Dog's Story and I don't think I should mention that I cried like a baby while I was watching it. Nowadays I tend to torture myself with extremely sad movies, series or anime. Silly me. If i do this way, my life won't be better. I just feel more miserable after watching them because I always feel like 'I wish I had the same life / lifestyle / emotions' etc. I also started to feel that I can't do anything right, with work or in relationships and so on. Actually it's the 'I'm good-for-nothing' effect. No, I'm not depressed, I just hate that only those girls are perfect whose size is XS..and if your size is L then you are nothing, and not good enough to have a bf or something. They look at you if you were the fat girl who'll never have boyfriend and perfect life. And it's clear for me that I'll always be the ugly, fat girl. Even if I'm not. That's life. Maybe one day I'll find the love of my life who loves me for who I am and doesn't care about my weight. I must admit that I doubt it as these kind of guys are very rare and not easy to find. I also have to make a plan for the end of the summer because we have to give the exact travel date, I mean when we would like to fly back to Hungary after work. We can stay in the US until 15th October, I think this option is only for those who really can afford it. And it's not me, ofc. I'm planning to stay there only for 1 extra week and it means that I'll be flying back 31st August. Or maybe 1-2 days earlier, I haven't decided it yet. |
